Does my hair look all right, maaan? I like to look good when I fly my freak flag, you know?
{
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"published": "2025-08-18T22:45:29-0400",
"url": "https://martymcgui.re/2025/08/18/224529/",
"category": [
"game-a-day",
"ACNL"
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"photo": [
"https://res.cloudinary.com/schmarty/image/fetch/w_960,c_fill/https://media.martymcgui.re/54/b8/44/82/2d2880c92af364a9547706aa60367b27eb70fffe6bf7b133ea452f4c.JPG"
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"content": {
"text": "Does my hair look all right, maaan? I like to look good when I fly my freak flag, you know?",
"html": "<a href=\"https://media.martymcgui.re/54/b8/44/82/2d2880c92af364a9547706aa60367b27eb70fffe6bf7b133ea452f4c.JPG\"></a>\n\n <p>Does my hair look all right, maaan? I like to look good when I fly my freak flag, you know?</p>"
},
"author": {
"type": "card",
"name": "Marty McGuire",
"url": "https://martymcgui.re/",
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{
"type": "entry",
"author": {
"name": "Jared White",
"url": "https://jaredwhite.com/",
"photo": null
},
"url": "https://jaredwhite.com/links/20250817/the-ultimatum-queer-love",
"published": "2025-08-17T22:35:15-07:00",
"content": {
"html": "<blockquote>\n <h2><a href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvQn1wNdzXU\"></a></h2>\n\n <p>Post Reunion of Ultimatum Queer Love with Tiff Der (YouTube)<br />\u201cI never had my side of the story during the reunion. After consistent allegations post reunion, I am now here to stand up for myself and plenty of other survivors.\u201c</p>\n\n</blockquote>\n\n<p>This might just be one of the least relevant links I\u2019ve ever posted\u2026that is, least relevant to subjects I normally talk about. Reality TV dating shows? On-camera relationship drama? \ud83d\ude02</p>\n\n<p>And yet\u2026I got <em>completely sucked into</em> a show on Netflix called <em>The Ultimatum: Queer Love</em> at the impassioned behest of my teenager. I missed the beginnings of Season 1 but picked it up a few episodes in and finished watching that season with my kid. The basic premise of <em>The Ultimatum</em> is that one person in a relationship wants to get married and perhaps start a <a href=\"https://jaredwhite.com/tag/family\">#family</a>, and the other person has been dragging their feet. So the person who desires marriage gives an \u201cultimatum\u201d\u2014aka if you\u2019re not willing to marry me, I\u2019m ready to leave the relationship. The twist of the show is that everyone spends a few weeks \u201cdating\u201d someone else on the show who is not their original partner, living with them in a \u201ctrial marriage\u201d. Then everyone swaps back to their original partner and lives in another trial marriage. Then the moment of truth arrives: will the original couple get engaged after everything that has happened? Or will they break up for good?!</p>\n\n<p>Yeah, it\u2019s weird and goofy. But that\u2019s reality <a href=\"https://jaredwhite.com/tag/tvshows\">#TVshows</a> for ya!</p>\n\n<p><em>But here\u2019s where it gets\u2026troubling.</em></p>\n\n<p><strong>Trigger warning: this discussion is about narcissistic behavior, DV, and emotional abuse. Please tread with care.</strong></p>\n\n<p>So I was enjoying the show and getting pretty invested in the people, certainly unusual for me as an intentional avoider of reality TV. We were enjoying our time together watching it\u2026and then we got to the final episode which was a reunion of all the people who had been part of the experience, shot almost a year later. It\u2019s a \u201cwhere are they now?\u201d checkin.</p>\n\n<p>One of the couples, Tiff & Mildred, had had a very tumultuous time on the show, both with each other and also with the other trial partners. But at the conclusion of the experience,</p>\n\n<p>\ud83d\udea8 <em>Spoiler Alert!</em> \ud83d\udea8</p>\n\n<p>Tiff & Mildred had gotten engaged. Yay! <strong>We were all happy for the couple.</strong></p>\n\n<p>BUT\u2026</p>\n\n<p>The reunion came, and when it was Tiff\u2019s turn to start sharing what had happened in that year since the experience, they barely got the chance to blurt out a few sentences about how their dog had to go to the hospital before Mildred just started laying into them. And I mean absolutely <em>hurling</em> accusations Tiff\u2019s way. It got extremely heated, and not in the sort of passive-aggressive reality TV drama sort of way I\u2019m used to seeing. This was something else. This was fire hot. There was talk of infidelity, abuse, Tiff calling the police on Mildred, financial chicanery, and just a lot.</p>\n\n<p>It got so bad Tiff literally stood up and walked off the set in tears. They had a kind of meltdown outside, and it was truly concerning. The producers attempted to help them at least get back inside the building, perhaps not back on the set, but Tiff ended up just getting into a car and driving off. That was the last we saw of them on that final reunion episode.</p>\n\n<p><strong>I was agog and aghast.</strong></p>\n\n<p>This felt really, really bad. I couldn\u2019t understand how the producers of the show allowed that explosive fight to happen in the first place. <em>I don\u2019t think it should have aired.</em> These are real people\u2019s lives we\u2019re talking about. It\u2019s not just another bout of entertainment.</p>\n\n<p>I was so genuinely concerned for Tiff\u2019s wellbeing, I started searching the web for any followup on what had happened and if they were OK. Thankfully they are, and in the video linked to above Tiff shares their side of the story before and after the reunion. Now I will admit I haven\u2019t sought out any of Mildred\u2019s statements or rebuttals. Because, honestly, I\u2019m not here to take sides as some sort of armchair critic.</p>\n\n<p>I\u2019m simply here to say: <strong>I understand EVERYTHING Tiff is saying about that situation.</strong> Having once been in a long-term relationship with a narcissist, it really caught me off-guard to see just how similar the personality traits and backstory were in this situation. I have been a victim of DARVO on numerous occasions. I know <em>exactly</em> what it\u2019s like to be repeatedly gaslit. I can point to the place in my body where I <em>feel</em> it, it\u2019s has been so palpable for me. Thankfully I\u2019ve gone through a tremendous amount of healing, yet I can still <em>physically place</em> within my torso where everything tightens into knots recalling how I was victimized by narcissistic abuse.</p>\n\n<p>Again, I don\u2019t know these people and I\u2019m not going out of my way to \u201cpick sides\u201d on a reality TV dating show. All I\u2019m saying is <strong>I wasn\u2019t prepared for this show to bring this all up for me again!</strong> I\u2019m speaking out because I\u2019m glad Tiff was able to speak out. I don\u2019t like how the production handled the reunion or Tiff\u2019s story. At all. But a lot of people have seen their video here on YouTube after the fact, and I\u2019m glad they got the opportunity to speak their truth.</p>\n\n<p>There will come a time\u2014in the somewhat distant future to be quite honest with you because I want to protect my children\u2019s privacy\u2014when I will feel at liberty to speak my truth. For now, I\u2019m just thankful I have had a lot of opportunity this year to continue to heal and to realize, like Tiff says, that <strong>I am enough.</strong> I am a good person. And I deserve to be with someone who always seeks the good in me and is forgiving of my flaws. And I hope to extend that very same grace to a future partner as well.</p>",
"text": "Post Reunion of Ultimatum Queer Love with Tiff Der (YouTube)\n\u201cI never had my side of the story during the reunion. After consistent allegations post reunion, I am now here to stand up for myself and plenty of other survivors.\u201c\n\n\n\nThis might just be one of the least relevant links I\u2019ve ever posted\u2026that is, least relevant to subjects I normally talk about. Reality TV dating shows? On-camera relationship drama? \ud83d\ude02\n\nAnd yet\u2026I got completely sucked into a show on Netflix called The Ultimatum: Queer Love at the impassioned behest of my teenager. I missed the beginnings of Season 1 but picked it up a few episodes in and finished watching that season with my kid. The basic premise of The Ultimatum is that one person in a relationship wants to get married and perhaps start a #family, and the other person has been dragging their feet. So the person who desires marriage gives an \u201cultimatum\u201d\u2014aka if you\u2019re not willing to marry me, I\u2019m ready to leave the relationship. The twist of the show is that everyone spends a few weeks \u201cdating\u201d someone else on the show who is not their original partner, living with them in a \u201ctrial marriage\u201d. Then everyone swaps back to their original partner and lives in another trial marriage. Then the moment of truth arrives: will the original couple get engaged after everything that has happened? Or will they break up for good?!\n\nYeah, it\u2019s weird and goofy. But that\u2019s reality #TVshows for ya!\n\nBut here\u2019s where it gets\u2026troubling.\n\nTrigger warning: this discussion is about narcissistic behavior, DV, and emotional abuse. Please tread with care.\n\nSo I was enjoying the show and getting pretty invested in the people, certainly unusual for me as an intentional avoider of reality TV. We were enjoying our time together watching it\u2026and then we got to the final episode which was a reunion of all the people who had been part of the experience, shot almost a year later. It\u2019s a \u201cwhere are they now?\u201d checkin.\n\nOne of the couples, Tiff & Mildred, had had a very tumultuous time on the show, both with each other and also with the other trial partners. But at the conclusion of the experience,\n\n\ud83d\udea8 Spoiler Alert! \ud83d\udea8\n\nTiff & Mildred had gotten engaged. Yay! We were all happy for the couple.\n\nBUT\u2026\n\nThe reunion came, and when it was Tiff\u2019s turn to start sharing what had happened in that year since the experience, they barely got the chance to blurt out a few sentences about how their dog had to go to the hospital before Mildred just started laying into them. And I mean absolutely hurling accusations Tiff\u2019s way. It got extremely heated, and not in the sort of passive-aggressive reality TV drama sort of way I\u2019m used to seeing. This was something else. This was fire hot. There was talk of infidelity, abuse, Tiff calling the police on Mildred, financial chicanery, and just a lot.\n\nIt got so bad Tiff literally stood up and walked off the set in tears. They had a kind of meltdown outside, and it was truly concerning. The producers attempted to help them at least get back inside the building, perhaps not back on the set, but Tiff ended up just getting into a car and driving off. That was the last we saw of them on that final reunion episode.\n\nI was agog and aghast.\n\nThis felt really, really bad. I couldn\u2019t understand how the producers of the show allowed that explosive fight to happen in the first place. I don\u2019t think it should have aired. These are real people\u2019s lives we\u2019re talking about. It\u2019s not just another bout of entertainment.\n\nI was so genuinely concerned for Tiff\u2019s wellbeing, I started searching the web for any followup on what had happened and if they were OK. Thankfully they are, and in the video linked to above Tiff shares their side of the story before and after the reunion. Now I will admit I haven\u2019t sought out any of Mildred\u2019s statements or rebuttals. Because, honestly, I\u2019m not here to take sides as some sort of armchair critic.\n\nI\u2019m simply here to say: I understand EVERYTHING Tiff is saying about that situation. Having once been in a long-term relationship with a narcissist, it really caught me off-guard to see just how similar the personality traits and backstory were in this situation. I have been a victim of DARVO on numerous occasions. I know exactly what it\u2019s like to be repeatedly gaslit. I can point to the place in my body where I feel it, it\u2019s has been so palpable for me. Thankfully I\u2019ve gone through a tremendous amount of healing, yet I can still physically place within my torso where everything tightens into knots recalling how I was victimized by narcissistic abuse.\n\nAgain, I don\u2019t know these people and I\u2019m not going out of my way to \u201cpick sides\u201d on a reality TV dating show. All I\u2019m saying is I wasn\u2019t prepared for this show to bring this all up for me again! I\u2019m speaking out because I\u2019m glad Tiff was able to speak out. I don\u2019t like how the production handled the reunion or Tiff\u2019s story. At all. But a lot of people have seen their video here on YouTube after the fact, and I\u2019m glad they got the opportunity to speak their truth.\n\nThere will come a time\u2014in the somewhat distant future to be quite honest with you because I want to protect my children\u2019s privacy\u2014when I will feel at liberty to speak my truth. For now, I\u2019m just thankful I have had a lot of opportunity this year to continue to heal and to realize, like Tiff says, that I am enough. I am a good person. And I deserve to be with someone who always seeks the good in me and is forgiving of my flaws. And I hope to extend that very same grace to a future partner as well."
},
"name": "Link: What a Reality TV Queer Dating Show Reminded Me About Healing from Life with a Narcissist",
"post-type": "article",
"_id": "45694828",
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There’s still plenty more to come, so please enjoy them until your body just can’t stand the fun!
{
"type": "entry",
"published": "2025-08-17T23:09:42-0400",
"url": "https://martymcgui.re/2025/08/17/230942/",
"category": [
"game-a-day",
"ACNL"
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"https://res.cloudinary.com/schmarty/image/fetch/w_960,c_fill/https://media.martymcgui.re/4d/07/4c/9d/26bf4de27307d40b9fec08addb3d3b6c85956aa18f0aa0958e0d950f.JPG"
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"content": {
"text": "There\u2019s still plenty more to come, so please enjoy them until your body just can\u2019t stand the fun!",
"html": "<a href=\"https://media.martymcgui.re/4d/07/4c/9d/26bf4de27307d40b9fec08addb3d3b6c85956aa18f0aa0958e0d950f.JPG\"></a>\n\n <p>There\u2019s still plenty more to come, so please enjoy them until your body just can\u2019t stand the fun!</p>"
},
"author": {
"type": "card",
"name": "Marty McGuire",
"url": "https://martymcgui.re/",
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{
"type": "entry",
"author": {
"name": "Jared White",
"url": "https://jaredwhite.com/",
"photo": null
},
"url": "https://jaredwhite.com/20250816/we-are-not-the-same",
"published": "2025-08-16T22:30:38-07:00",
"content": {
"html": "<p>Recently on LinkedIn (\ud83d\ude44), an AI-pilled tech bro accused me of being a hypocrite because the decades I\u2019ve worked as a web developer had been, supposedly, hurting the environment and taking jobs away from other industries.</p>\n\n<p>So I took a look at all the clients I\u2019ve had over the last ~15 years. <strong>And here\u2019s my estimation:</strong></p>\n\n<ul><li>Some projects were what you might call \u201cbrochureware\u201d. Websites with public information about the company or non-profit and ways to contact them. Perhaps I took jobs away from Kinkos or the Yellow Pages? I really have no idea. <strong>Nobody ever complained to me about it.</strong></li>\n <li>Some projects were what you\u2019d call e-commerce. In this case, it\u2019s all upside, because instead of craftspeople and small businesses having to take phone calls or read emails and process credit cards manually, it could be handled quickly and painlessly right on the website. <strong>Huge win for everyone.</strong></li>\n <li>Some projects took manual business processes and codified them into custom software. Same people involved before and after, it was just a helluva lot faster & easier to accomplish key tasks. <strong>Lots less paper or emails required.</strong> Again, big win.</li>\n <li>Some projects have been community-based: people engaging in conversation and sharing content, files, etc. This is work/play <em>that was literally impossible</em> before the Internet, before computers and networks and data.</li>\n <li>Still other projects have been educational: publications and archives which provide culturally or socially-relevant <strong>information to help people or enlighten them</strong> on a subject. Perhaps these cases served as a substitute for a paper-based book or a magazine? I\u2019m sorry if my work caused a drop in someone\u2019s printing-press business!</li>\n</ul><p><strong>That\u2019s it really.</strong> The vast majority of the work I\u2019ve done\u2026I never set out to build software to replace taxi drivers, eliminate office workers, devalue artists, and obscure expertise. Perhaps there was general societal fallout I didn\u2019t think much about <strong>in the switch from paper to digital.</strong> On the other hand, I can guarantee you quite a lot of <strong>human-produced knowledge, <a href=\"https://jaredwhite.com/tag/creativity\">#creativity</a>, and collaboration ensued</strong> which literally wouldn\u2019t have been possible before the Internet age.</p>\n\n<p>If you still want to call me a hypocrite, <em>go for it.</em> All I know is my conscience is clear. I have <em>turned down</em> multiple projects and opportunities over the years because I didn\u2019t feel comfortable about the ethics of the work. Right now, I am literally losing out on opportunities because of my <em>clear no-genAI stance.</em> But that\u2019s fine. <strong>I feel more at peace about my career than I ever have before</strong>\u2014even if it\u2019s damn hard to make an honest day\u2019s living.</p>\n\n<p><em>So away with your smug whataboutism!</em> \ud83d\ude1b All it does is reveal the boggy mire beneath your own feet.</p>",
"text": "Recently on LinkedIn (\ud83d\ude44), an AI-pilled tech bro accused me of being a hypocrite because the decades I\u2019ve worked as a web developer had been, supposedly, hurting the environment and taking jobs away from other industries.\n\nSo I took a look at all the clients I\u2019ve had over the last ~15 years. And here\u2019s my estimation:\n\nSome projects were what you might call \u201cbrochureware\u201d. Websites with public information about the company or non-profit and ways to contact them. Perhaps I took jobs away from Kinkos or the Yellow Pages? I really have no idea. Nobody ever complained to me about it.\n Some projects were what you\u2019d call e-commerce. In this case, it\u2019s all upside, because instead of craftspeople and small businesses having to take phone calls or read emails and process credit cards manually, it could be handled quickly and painlessly right on the website. Huge win for everyone.\n Some projects took manual business processes and codified them into custom software. Same people involved before and after, it was just a helluva lot faster & easier to accomplish key tasks. Lots less paper or emails required. Again, big win.\n Some projects have been community-based: people engaging in conversation and sharing content, files, etc. This is work/play that was literally impossible before the Internet, before computers and networks and data.\n Still other projects have been educational: publications and archives which provide culturally or socially-relevant information to help people or enlighten them on a subject. Perhaps these cases served as a substitute for a paper-based book or a magazine? I\u2019m sorry if my work caused a drop in someone\u2019s printing-press business!\nThat\u2019s it really. The vast majority of the work I\u2019ve done\u2026I never set out to build software to replace taxi drivers, eliminate office workers, devalue artists, and obscure expertise. Perhaps there was general societal fallout I didn\u2019t think much about in the switch from paper to digital. On the other hand, I can guarantee you quite a lot of human-produced knowledge, #creativity, and collaboration ensued which literally wouldn\u2019t have been possible before the Internet age.\n\nIf you still want to call me a hypocrite, go for it. All I know is my conscience is clear. I have turned down multiple projects and opportunities over the years because I didn\u2019t feel comfortable about the ethics of the work. Right now, I am literally losing out on opportunities because of my clear no-genAI stance. But that\u2019s fine. I feel more at peace about my career than I ever have before\u2014even if it\u2019s damn hard to make an honest day\u2019s living.\n\nSo away with your smug whataboutism! \ud83d\ude1b All it does is reveal the boggy mire beneath your own feet."
},
"name": "We Are Not The Same",
"post-type": "article",
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Every time I take a Lyft from the San Francisco airport to downtown going up 101, I notice the billboards. The billboards on 101 are always such a good snapshot in time of the current peak of the Silicon Valley hype cycle. I've decided to capture photos of the billboards every time I am there, to see how this changes over time.
{
"type": "entry",
"published": "2025-08-06T17:00:00-07:00",
"summary": "Every time I take a Lyft from the San Francisco airport to downtown going up 101, I notice the billboards. The billboards on 101 are always such a good snapshot in time of the current peak of the Silicon Valley hype cycle. I've decided to capture photos of the billboards every time I am there, to see how this changes over time.\u00a0",
"url": "https://aaronparecki.com/2025/08/06/14/sf-billboards",
"category": [
"sf",
"billboards",
"ai"
],
"syndication": [
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"name": "San Francisco Billboards - August 2025",
"author": {
"type": "card",
"name": "Aaron Parecki",
"url": "https://aaronparecki.com/",
"photo": "https://aperture-media.p3k.io/aaronparecki.com/41061f9de825966faa22e9c42830e1d4a614a321213b4575b9488aa93f89817a.jpg"
},
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"_id": "45686088",
"_source": "16"
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The plumber came to work on the final plumbing for the water room!
{
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"published": "2025-08-06T15:18:18-07:00",
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],
"content": {
"text": "The plumber came to work on the final plumbing for the water room!"
},
"author": {
"type": "card",
"name": "Aaron Parecki",
"url": "https://aaronparecki.com/",
"photo": "https://aperture-media.p3k.io/aaronparecki.com/41061f9de825966faa22e9c42830e1d4a614a321213b4575b9488aa93f89817a.jpg"
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Checked off a bunch of things on the list today!
• Wired and mounted rooftop patio speakers and microphone
• Wired and mounted living room and kitchen speakers
• Set up the Sonos amps
• Hung some more rack gear in the network closet
{
"type": "entry",
"published": "2025-08-10T14:42:17-07:00",
"url": "https://aaronparecki.com/2025/08/10/26/",
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"triplex"
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"content": {
"text": "Checked off a bunch of things on the list today! \n\n\u2022 Wired and mounted rooftop patio speakers and microphone \n\u2022 Wired and mounted living room and kitchen speakers \n\u2022 Set up the Sonos amps \n\u2022 Hung some more rack gear in the network closet",
"html": "Checked off a bunch of things on the list today! <br /><br />\u2022 Wired and mounted rooftop patio speakers and microphone <br />\u2022 Wired and mounted living room and kitchen speakers <br />\u2022 Set up the Sonos amps <br />\u2022 Hung some more rack gear in the network closet"
},
"author": {
"type": "card",
"name": "Aaron Parecki",
"url": "https://aaronparecki.com/",
"photo": "https://aperture-media.p3k.io/aaronparecki.com/41061f9de825966faa22e9c42830e1d4a614a321213b4575b9488aa93f89817a.jpg"
},
"post-type": "photo",
"_id": "45686078",
"_source": "16"
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{
"type": "entry",
"published": "2025-08-10T08:38:45-07:00",
"url": "https://aaronparecki.com/2025/08/10/13/",
"category": [
"365",
"bridgepedal"
],
"photo": [
"https://aperture-media.p3k.io/aaronparecki.com/0311d5a7e8880a162f36992bd9cfd369c5271caff04ebe521e2fcc44f3e9f8ec.jpg"
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"syndication": [
"https://www.swarmapp.com/user/59164/checkin/6898bd05abbea85ed3d7c587",
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"name": "at Fremont Bridge",
"author": {
"type": "card",
"name": "Aaron Parecki",
"url": "https://aaronparecki.com/",
"photo": "https://aperture-media.p3k.io/aaronparecki.com/41061f9de825966faa22e9c42830e1d4a614a321213b4575b9488aa93f89817a.jpg"
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"checkin": {
"type": "card",
"name": "Fremont Bridge",
"latitude": "45.53822",
"longitude": "-122.682599",
"url": "https://foursquare.com/v/4b7eb89af964a52016fb2fe3"
},
"post-type": "checkin",
"_id": "45686079",
"_source": "16"
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{
"type": "entry",
"published": "2025-08-10T08:22:04-07:00",
"url": "https://aaronparecki.com/2025/08/10/12/",
"photo": [
"https://aperture-media.p3k.io/aaronparecki.com/937726f124a5b4308aeb93ab6cddd0d6046869113bcb28b2e5b478741ca09107.jpg"
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"name": "at Marquam Bridge",
"author": {
"type": "card",
"name": "Aaron Parecki",
"url": "https://aaronparecki.com/",
"photo": "https://aperture-media.p3k.io/aaronparecki.com/41061f9de825966faa22e9c42830e1d4a614a321213b4575b9488aa93f89817a.jpg"
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"checkin": {
"type": "card",
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"text": "Bridge Pedal!"
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Setting up the streaming rig for the Bridge Pedal tomorrow
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Made some good progress on the wiring for the network closet!
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The plumber finished installing the meters and hooking up the fire sprinklers!
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I filled up some pitchers and pots of water since I knew the plumer would be disconnecting the water today and it did pay off, I was able to make lunch despite there being no running water in the house most of the day.
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We *finally* got a crew willing to bring the fridge upstairs!
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Finished all the coax connections!
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Finished the network closet and got the new switches up and running!
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I'm testing some fruit leather recipes. The only fruit is apples, and I added some sour apple flavoring and citric acid.
The one on the left is just apples and flavoring.
The middle one I added vegetable glycerin. It thickens it up a lot, it's still leathery but has more heft to it. It's also a little easier to chew.
The one on the right has vegetable glycerin as well as pea protein powder. The pea protein gives it some real substance, and also turns it from leathery to more like a jelly candy. I wouldn't describe it as fruit leather, but it's a really good snack still.
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look how official! Now we have a wired fire alarm system!
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